On Being An Introvert
Jul. 12th, 2015 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grimrose_eilwynnThis article is about how introverts process relationships. I thought it was very good:
http://introvertdear.com/2015/07/07/introvert-love-relationship-extrovert/
Being an introvert myself, here are a few things that often trip people up about introverts:
- We're homebodies. (Though that doesn't necessarily mean we don't like traveling.)
We have our little space, and it's safe and quiet there. Introverts are easily overstimulated by unfamiliar or excitable sensory environments. Those give extroverts a great rush of enthusiasm, but for introverts the feeling is not as pleasant. We need lots of time at home to recuperate from dealing with the world.
I've felt like telling this to so many people in my life. Mostly roommates, who assumed that because I was spending time alone in my room I was miserable and pathetic. Just because we're spending time alone at home, doesn't necessarily mean we "need help socializing" or "are not having fun." On that note...
- Socializing is also overstimulating and exhausting for us.
So just because we're sitting alone, in the cafeteria for example, doesn't mean we want a whole host of pitying but well-meaning popular people to gather around us and overstimulate us with lots of chatter and loud noise.
- We genuinely enjoy solitary activities.
I love curling up with a book. Or writing in my journal. Or listening to music quietly with my headphones in. Even during walks with other people, my favorite thing to do is trail behind the rest of the group and silently take in the scenery.
- We take in sensory information at a higher rate than extroverts. This is what exhausts us, at parties for example, but it also means we notice more than anyone else.
I'm an expert at doing things like listening to two different conversations at once, or watching what everyone in the room is doing. I've picked up on things no one else has noticed, because of this.
- Sometimes, the reason why we're so quiet is not necessarily because we're shy. It's because we have a greater filter than extroverts.
We think of things to say, but then we mercilessly vet each thing through the filter of, "Does anyone really want to listen to me say this?" If the answer is no, we shut the hell up. This, combined with our sensitivity to overstimulation, is often why we're so reticent at parties.
- We're great one on one.
I have one particular friend. She's a great person and I've known her since I was six. But she always invites tons of other people whenever she asks me to go somewhere. And it is INFURIATING. I sometimes want to tell her, "Why can't it just be us?! I do so much better when it's just us!"
The less people, the less overstimulated we are, and the more we feel we have to contribute. One on one conversations are also great for plumbing deeper topics, which introverts are big fans of. And the more we get to know you, the more comfortable we become with saying the things that are on our minds -- the less merciless the filter becomes.
- We can be overstimulated pleasantly as well.
Introverts tend to be highly sensitive people. This means that we're more prone than others to be deeply touched by a delicious dish of cuisine, a ballet performance, an emotional entreaty, a beautiful poem, a good glass of wine.
- We don't like bragging.
This can make looking for jobs deeply uncomfortable. Employers expect you to be able to confidently sell yourself, but when introverts do this, we often just feel silly.
- We express ourselves better through writing and art than through conversation.
In writing, we control our world. There are no people or environments to overstimulate us, no watching face to intimidate us, so we feel more free to say what is on our minds. If you really want to get to know an introvert, look at their writing.
- It's not that we hate people.
Introverts are not more prone to hating people than extroverts. We like people -- just in small and limited quantities. Introverts need friends and family just as much as anyone else, but because America is such an extroverted society, sometimes we have trouble finding that.
For more information on introverts, a very good book is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. She talks about psychological research, interpersonal relations between introverts and extroverts, and famous people and inventors who have been introverts, among other things.
http://introvertdear.com/2015/07/07/introvert-love-relationship-extrovert/
Being an introvert myself, here are a few things that often trip people up about introverts:
- We're homebodies. (Though that doesn't necessarily mean we don't like traveling.)
We have our little space, and it's safe and quiet there. Introverts are easily overstimulated by unfamiliar or excitable sensory environments. Those give extroverts a great rush of enthusiasm, but for introverts the feeling is not as pleasant. We need lots of time at home to recuperate from dealing with the world.
I've felt like telling this to so many people in my life. Mostly roommates, who assumed that because I was spending time alone in my room I was miserable and pathetic. Just because we're spending time alone at home, doesn't necessarily mean we "need help socializing" or "are not having fun." On that note...
- Socializing is also overstimulating and exhausting for us.
So just because we're sitting alone, in the cafeteria for example, doesn't mean we want a whole host of pitying but well-meaning popular people to gather around us and overstimulate us with lots of chatter and loud noise.
- We genuinely enjoy solitary activities.
I love curling up with a book. Or writing in my journal. Or listening to music quietly with my headphones in. Even during walks with other people, my favorite thing to do is trail behind the rest of the group and silently take in the scenery.
- We take in sensory information at a higher rate than extroverts. This is what exhausts us, at parties for example, but it also means we notice more than anyone else.
I'm an expert at doing things like listening to two different conversations at once, or watching what everyone in the room is doing. I've picked up on things no one else has noticed, because of this.
- Sometimes, the reason why we're so quiet is not necessarily because we're shy. It's because we have a greater filter than extroverts.
We think of things to say, but then we mercilessly vet each thing through the filter of, "Does anyone really want to listen to me say this?" If the answer is no, we shut the hell up. This, combined with our sensitivity to overstimulation, is often why we're so reticent at parties.
- We're great one on one.
I have one particular friend. She's a great person and I've known her since I was six. But she always invites tons of other people whenever she asks me to go somewhere. And it is INFURIATING. I sometimes want to tell her, "Why can't it just be us?! I do so much better when it's just us!"
The less people, the less overstimulated we are, and the more we feel we have to contribute. One on one conversations are also great for plumbing deeper topics, which introverts are big fans of. And the more we get to know you, the more comfortable we become with saying the things that are on our minds -- the less merciless the filter becomes.
- We can be overstimulated pleasantly as well.
Introverts tend to be highly sensitive people. This means that we're more prone than others to be deeply touched by a delicious dish of cuisine, a ballet performance, an emotional entreaty, a beautiful poem, a good glass of wine.
- We don't like bragging.
This can make looking for jobs deeply uncomfortable. Employers expect you to be able to confidently sell yourself, but when introverts do this, we often just feel silly.
- We express ourselves better through writing and art than through conversation.
In writing, we control our world. There are no people or environments to overstimulate us, no watching face to intimidate us, so we feel more free to say what is on our minds. If you really want to get to know an introvert, look at their writing.
- It's not that we hate people.
Introverts are not more prone to hating people than extroverts. We like people -- just in small and limited quantities. Introverts need friends and family just as much as anyone else, but because America is such an extroverted society, sometimes we have trouble finding that.
For more information on introverts, a very good book is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. She talks about psychological research, interpersonal relations between introverts and extroverts, and famous people and inventors who have been introverts, among other things.
