On Women and Shame
Jul. 30th, 2015 04:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grimrose_eilwynnOne of the reasons why I consider myself a feminist is because of the strong culture of shame we have against women.
Women are supposed to be ashamed of basically everything. Take food, for example. If a woman eats too much or gains too much weight, she's considered "boyish", "fat", and "ugly." If she eats too little or loses too much weight, however, she's "trying too hard", "anorexic", and "troubled." Either way she's screwed. At least men have the socially acceptable option of being able to eat what would be for a woman considered "too much." So what is the happy median here? What is the exact right amount of food for a woman to eat? I don't think there is one. That's part of our problem.
Then there's sex. Oh the things I could say on this subject. Women aren't supposed to want sex (even though it's a biological imperative that we are, in my opinion, far too squeamish about discussing). They're supposed to want love and romance, and when they do just want sex, they're "sluts" and "whores." (As opposed to men who just want sex -- those are "players.") A lot of people don't even know women can masturbate. And a lot of women don't know how to do it. Women are supposed to want to get pregnant, but they're only supposed to get pregnant if they're married. And they're only supposed to get married to someone similar to them in age. (Don't want to be a "cougar" or a "gold digger.") Also, if a woman was raped, no matter what the circumstances, she was "probably asking for it."
Which brings me to appearance. Women are supposed to wear makeup. Women who don't wear makeup are "ugly." Except when women do wear makeup. Then they're "trying too hard" again, and should "be more natural" because "that's what boys really like." The same thing goes with shaving. (And yes, I do know of women who have been shamed by men because of not wearing makeup, styling their hair, and shaving -- I'm one of them, and a friend of mine is another.)
Don't even get me started on clothes. Women are supposed to spend a lot of time shopping and getting ready. It's basically a stereotype -- one men complain about a lot. Except when women don't spend a lot of time on their appearance, they're "being too boyish" again.
So what is a woman allowed to wear? What are they supposed to spend so much time getting ready for? Let me spell it out for you. Women are supposed to dress modestly -- otherwise they're "sluts" and "asking for it." Except when they do dress modestly. Then they're "prudes."
Then there's intelligence. Women are supposed to be smart. "Stupid girls" are made fun of in our society a lot -- women who aren't intellectual and spend lots of time on their clothes and their gossip. We all know the type, right? Except women aren't really supposed to be smarter than men. You catch a woman arguing with a man and winning, and you immediately see the man get very, very sulky. Odds are, the woman's just being "bitchy" anyway.
And that's another thing. Women aren't supposed to be bitchy. They're supposed to be kind, gentle souls. Except then they're "naive", and need to be taken care of by a more worldly and aware man.
But things are great anyway, right? Why do we even need feminism? After all, women are allowed to work -- if they like being shamed for not being stay at home wives and moms. And women are allowed to be home makers -- if they like being called lazy for not being a working woman. Women are allowed to vote -- though they're less represented in politics and tend to be in lower positions than men. And women are allowed to get paid and own property -- though they'll never get paid as much as a man will.
But yeah, you're right. Why do we even need feminism at all?
Women are supposed to be ashamed of basically everything. Take food, for example. If a woman eats too much or gains too much weight, she's considered "boyish", "fat", and "ugly." If she eats too little or loses too much weight, however, she's "trying too hard", "anorexic", and "troubled." Either way she's screwed. At least men have the socially acceptable option of being able to eat what would be for a woman considered "too much." So what is the happy median here? What is the exact right amount of food for a woman to eat? I don't think there is one. That's part of our problem.
Then there's sex. Oh the things I could say on this subject. Women aren't supposed to want sex (even though it's a biological imperative that we are, in my opinion, far too squeamish about discussing). They're supposed to want love and romance, and when they do just want sex, they're "sluts" and "whores." (As opposed to men who just want sex -- those are "players.") A lot of people don't even know women can masturbate. And a lot of women don't know how to do it. Women are supposed to want to get pregnant, but they're only supposed to get pregnant if they're married. And they're only supposed to get married to someone similar to them in age. (Don't want to be a "cougar" or a "gold digger.") Also, if a woman was raped, no matter what the circumstances, she was "probably asking for it."
Which brings me to appearance. Women are supposed to wear makeup. Women who don't wear makeup are "ugly." Except when women do wear makeup. Then they're "trying too hard" again, and should "be more natural" because "that's what boys really like." The same thing goes with shaving. (And yes, I do know of women who have been shamed by men because of not wearing makeup, styling their hair, and shaving -- I'm one of them, and a friend of mine is another.)
Don't even get me started on clothes. Women are supposed to spend a lot of time shopping and getting ready. It's basically a stereotype -- one men complain about a lot. Except when women don't spend a lot of time on their appearance, they're "being too boyish" again.
So what is a woman allowed to wear? What are they supposed to spend so much time getting ready for? Let me spell it out for you. Women are supposed to dress modestly -- otherwise they're "sluts" and "asking for it." Except when they do dress modestly. Then they're "prudes."
Then there's intelligence. Women are supposed to be smart. "Stupid girls" are made fun of in our society a lot -- women who aren't intellectual and spend lots of time on their clothes and their gossip. We all know the type, right? Except women aren't really supposed to be smarter than men. You catch a woman arguing with a man and winning, and you immediately see the man get very, very sulky. Odds are, the woman's just being "bitchy" anyway.
And that's another thing. Women aren't supposed to be bitchy. They're supposed to be kind, gentle souls. Except then they're "naive", and need to be taken care of by a more worldly and aware man.
But things are great anyway, right? Why do we even need feminism? After all, women are allowed to work -- if they like being shamed for not being stay at home wives and moms. And women are allowed to be home makers -- if they like being called lazy for not being a working woman. Women are allowed to vote -- though they're less represented in politics and tend to be in lower positions than men. And women are allowed to get paid and own property -- though they'll never get paid as much as a man will.
But yeah, you're right. Why do we even need feminism at all?
