Jan. 11th, 2016

grimrose_eilwynn: (Default)
So something bad happened last night. The thing itself is insignificant, just a small thing that wouldn't have bothered a mentally healthy person, one of those slight daily disappointments. Anyway, it's not worth mentioning. That's not the point.

The point is it was late at night and I was tired from rushing around over the past few days, and that plunged me briefly into horrible, horrible depression. I went from happy to depressed in less than 2.5 seconds. It was impressive.

It starts with exhaustion -- moodiness. I took a relaxing hot shower, trying to make the moodiness go away, and I felt a little better. Then me and my sister Skyped our parents and they all started laying plans for tomorrow, and I suddenly got so exhausted I retreated into my bedroom and shut the door.

There, with the lights off, I curled up on my bed in a little ball of misery and cried. I don't know why I was crying. There was nothing, except for how I felt, to cry about.

Here's the thing about depressed people: they don't want comfort. What they want is understanding. I literally Googled search images of depression, and the depressing messages in the pictures cycled me lower and lower into depression. It's cyclical. I started having suicidal thoughts.

I knew in the part of my mind that was rational and logical that I needed to reach out to someone -- that this was the only way to make things better. So, taking a deep breath, I went out into the living room and told my sister how I was feeling. It was hard. Very hard. And very scary.

By the way? Never reject a depressed person who has reached out to you. They may never reach out to anyone again.

My sister didn't reject me. She talked me through it, gave me a hug, and told me everything was going to be okay. I hugged her back and let a few tears leak into her shirt.

Then we had dessert -- birthday cake, pie, and wine -- and went to bed. I slept in unusually late this morning, and I woke up today and I feel perfectly fine. Maybe a little tired and irritable, but basically fine.

Bipolar disorder is weird.
grimrose_eilwynn: (Default)
So I rented my first apartment and now I have my first landlord problems.

My actual landlord can't be reached. That's the first thing. It's only her assistant that can be reached, and her assistant has an attitude problem.

From the beginning of our time in the apartment, all the way back in August, our living room window screen has been broken. We put in an order for it to be replaced. It's January, and guess what? Still no window screen.

And now our sink and bathtub drains are plugged, our kitchen window won't lock, and our burners fill the air with the smell of smoke. We've actually had to disable the living room fire alarm because it won't stop fucking going off every time we make tea or turn on the oven. They've told us to put the fire alarm back in, but have offered no solution to our problem. We've put in a work order for the kitchen window to be fixed and that, too, has gotten no results.

So my Dad, who's paying for this shit, called the landlord's assistant today and started talking threateningly about safety hazards. He knows exactly what to say to make people scared he's going to sue them -- he is a businessman, after all.

Today, without warning, we heard someone rip the living room window screen off and storm away with it. We waited... the screen was never replaced. We had duct taped the screen shut, and we can see that the duct tape was ripped away so hard some of it stuck to the wall. Talk about an attitude problem.

Really? You have to understand, this is a nice place. Unusually expensive for the area. We're paying extra money... and it's for this kind of service?

UPDATE: Well, a plumber came by the next morning to fix the tub and sink, and he seemed perfectly friendly. So maybe it was just that one service worker who was an asshole, to be fair.

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grimrose_eilwynn: (Default)
Hopeless Dreamer

March 2016

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