Stress and Panic

So far, college this year has not been going well.

It's everything, I think. I'm taking five upper-division classes. FIVE. I also have to cook for myself, clean for myself, etc. So I have basically no free time. I don't live on campus anymore, which means long waits at the bus stop and in between classes on campus, and this sounds really wimpy but I have a terrible phobia of bugs and there are bees EVERYWHERE.

I know it's just my adjustment period, and I'll get over it and winter will come and I'll adjust to taking the classes and living on my own and everything. But right now it just majorly, majorly sucks. I stayed home from school because I was sick to my stomach from stress yesterday, and today I couldn't go to poetry class because I was on the verge of having a panic attack.

Poetry is a whole story in and of itself. The teacher wants two poems within a week's time, and then he's going to have you sit there while the whole class critiques your poetry directly to your face. (You're not allowed to say anything till the end.) My first thought was to write about what I knew well, so I wrote a poem about depression and mental illness and turned it in but then today I had the sudden, horrible thought, OH GOD THEY'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT TO MY FACE.

I think that's what caused the panic attack of sorts.

I emailed the teacher and told him I couldn't come, citing mental health reasons. He was very understanding. He says next week we're just going to skip straight to my much more people-friendly poem on the hard work of being a ballerina. I turned in both poems to him, so I should still get full credit.

In fact, I don't think I've lost any points for being absent yet. I've emailed all my teachers and have still managed to finish all my assignments and get them turned in. So there's always that little ray of hope.

Thank God a three-day weekend is coming, because I really need it.

The feminist club meeting was a little ray of sunshine. I'm doing some more extracurricular fun stuff with my sister later, so that should be nice too. More on that after it happens.

International Club

My sister had spent all afternoon doing homework on campus, so I met her there and we got dinner at Denny's. Burgers and fries, milkshakes, that sort of thing. All completely essential stuff.

Then my sister wanted to go to the football game, so we tried going to that. But they wouldn't let her backpack in through the door, so we couldn't go. Let me repeat that.

They wouldn't let a BACKPACK in.

At a COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME.

So we hung out in the library for a while before going to my first international club meeting of the year. That was lots of fun! There was a formidable amount of people there, and they were all friendly and chatty. We played trivia games involving everything from naming countries to naming bands. There were chips and dip and cheese sauce, cookies, candy, banana bread... so many snacks!

The only down side was, the meeting was pretty late, so we had to walk home in the dark. But they said the meetings are only bi- or tri-weekly and times and locations change all the time, so hopefully that's not permanent. I'm on their email list, so I'll know one way or the other.

My sister didn't like the meeting. Again. She thought it was too loud.

EDIT: I decided not to go to these meetings, mostly due to lack of time.